At this school I spent the most wonderful years of my life; feeling grown up, meeting my future ex-husband (not a West Point Cadet), going through life changing experiences, and meeting wonderful women whom I thought would be in my life the rest of my life.
I had great roommates and floor-mates and did crazy things together. We drank too much together, met guys, fell in love and got each other through break ups. I loved these women as my sisters and had a lot of them in my wedding party.
...Anyway, I was so caught up that I didn't notice or really ignored all the comments from my bridesmaids. After the wedding or maybe even during the party I found out that my so called best friend commented on how my marriage wouldn't last very long and other sorts of horrible opinions. I don't know if the rest of them agreed or what happened but after the honeymoon no one came to visit and see my new house. No one met up with me after work for drinks. No one congratulated me when my son was born 2 years later and no one consoled me when I got divorced. I did keep in touch with a couple of the the girls for awhile, Christmas cards every year until those too stopped coming.
I finally came around to joining FB a few years ago mostly to keep in touch with family overseas but also to find people I really wanted to find. I search for people every once in awhile when I get nostalgic and consider befriending everyone again and then I come to my senses. Well, over the weekend after a few mojitos, nostalgia set in again and I found many of the girls I was friends with back in college and also found that they were all still friends with each other. They all visit each other and know each others' husbands and children. What gets me the most is that they are all spread out through out the country and still manage to keep in touch and see each other. Since so many years have gone by I felt that this year with all the changes I'm trying to make I would reach out and befriend at least the 2 people I kept in touch with the most- No regrets.
I got a very quick and excited response from both of them that made me feel great. They both said that they had been looking for me and were glad to finally see me on FB. I've since gotten a request from someone else I was never great friends with but whom I did know back then and secretly wished we were closer.
Know that we are friends, ( at least on FB- and that's for real yo) I have this deep feeling of failure once again. Reading all of these women's profiles and seeing that they are all married and have kids and have their own businesses makes me realize that I was the one who dropped out of life when I was going through my divorce. I was one of the first to get married and the first to get divorced and it was a great big check-mark for failure. I was embarrassed and felt like I wasn't enough, and in part, I still don't.I 'm glad I'm reconnecting but I'm also wary and cautious and feeling all the regret I swore I wouldn't feel.
I should feel great about what I have accomplished so far in my life but in this FaceBook age of over inflated profiles, feeling less than adequate is really hard to overcome. I have restricted my old NEW FRIENDS access to my profile, already putting "butts" on what could be great friendships & new beginnings and I don't know what to do. I thought I hated being anti-social but now I'm not so sure, and I feel like shit.
What to do, What to do?? I did start by making a list (albeit a short one) of what I have accomplished so far just to feel better and you can check it out here. Please share some things you have accomplished in your life that you think are pretty awesome and any advice is always welcome.