Thursday, September 29, 2011


Since I started this blog, I've wanted to be very honest with it and with myself; a sort of a self improvement movement since I turned 40 and the reason for Rubbing My Own Belly.  I of course have never been brutally honest with expressing my own feelings, hiding instead, behind the safety of my silence and now never expecting my own blog being brought up during family arguments.

I guess I was under the illusion that once I opened my mouth, people and especially my own family, would be like " yes, your right and everything you say is true and real and magical." Aint gonna happen, especially not after reading this post...oh well(sigh). I guess I just have to get used to the idea that my raw feelings and opinions will NOT be liked by everyone or anyone and they have the right to say so, except when those expressions of dislike sound and feel more like criticism and disdain...

One thing I never added to The List was Getting Rid of TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS.
We all have them in one way or another or in multiples ways even. Some toxic relationships are at work with co-workers or with friends but some can also be with your own family. These relationships are the type that make you feel dread, misery, anxiety, nervousness, inadequacy and even feel physically ill. These people whether they know it or not, are very skilled in poking holes and stifling your aura. You can't help but feel their energy overpowering and draining your positivity.

I have a few of these toxic relationships.  One I've been able to manage, I think- but the other is a little harder to control since she is a family member.  (I wont be winning any points with this I'm sure)

I find that because my family is sooooo close and enmeshed in each other lives that we fail to recognize our boundaries and confuse criticism with helpful advice. These strong personalities don't generally offer their opinion but instead yell out steps that should have been taken to solve whatever problem you were discussing or criticise what you have already done.

Now, without going into too much detail ( my gosh, she would never speak to me again) I know that this person is just trying to help. I know that I'm too sensitive, a character flaw she points out every chance she gets, and take things a bit too intensely, another pesonality trait she says I must work on, but it's not merely what is being said but how it's being said.

I see her straightening up, cocking her head to one said and raising her eyebrows while looking down at her freshly brewed coffee. This is her attack stance- I know she's going in for the kill and is about to say something that will definitely sting. Her words just serve as a reminder of what I did or didn't do, correctly or incorrectly and I hate that!! Intensely and passionately. Who the hell wants to be reminded that your a fuck up all the time???

So we argue about what she said and how i'm too sensitive and storms out. We won't speak for a day or 2. She'll come over or I'll go over there to smooth things over and start all over again.

Do you guys handle Toxic Relationships as well as I do? or Have any advice in the form of advice??
let me to go do a quickie session of meditation.

See you soon- 2 post in 1 week- woohoo!
Remember: "Meditation....It's Better Than Sitting Around Doing Nothing"

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