I have a problem.... I have this deep seeded need to help other in difficult situations. I feel like I should be the defender of all those who need a translator, advocate, body guard etc.
Of course that gets me in trouble more often than not and causes me much unwanted anger when the favor is not reciprocated.
There is only one art director at my company, but so many other people feel that they too are bosses. It is a creative field I am in and although design is subjective some people are more qualified than others to give an opinion.
I cannot stand when bosses (or pretend bosses) feel a need to put down their team in order to give a sense of authority in front of others. Especially when they are not even qualified to be in the position they are pretending to be in.
Well this is what happened at work all last week and i just couldn't take it anymore...it really has drained me emotionally and physically. Especially because the person taking the beating stood there and did nothing for herself AND AND to make things worse, instead decided to agree with her boss.
I ended up being the enemy and walking away really really pissed off.
I need an inner alarm, something that sounds off when I'm about to stand up and defend someone.
Something that tells me- no, yells SHUT YOUR MOUTH at me every time I'm about to open it on behalf of someone else...
...I'm tired... really really tired. I'm not just saying that metaphorically or figuratively- I REALLY AM TIRED. I can't sleep at night, I wake up every night at 3:30 am and look at my clock. I toss and turn until 6:30 am at which time my alarm starts to go off and I snooze it all the way to 7:30. Meanwhile I have 45 minutes to get ready and get to work- arghhhh!!!! Because of this vicious cycle I have been neglecting my only outlets keeping me sane: My blog and my jewelry.
I have run out of patience and gusto and i want it back!!!! I want to wake up like I can take on the world, like I can kick ass. I try to psych myself into believing that it'll be a kick ass type of day but by 10:30 am I am loosing the fight with my eyelids.
There is no way i can be creative this way- thus this stupid entry, but I am working on it- promise. I am trying to get back into my juicing, which I will talk about in another blog, back to my regular meditation, exercising and all the other good stuff I was doing. For now please understand that although the summer is a time to relax and recharge, I am having a hard time with that notion, perhaps because it is my 40th one :(