Thursday, October 27, 2011


October is really supposed to be a fun month, one I have always enjoyed because of Halloween and the candy but mostly because the crisp weather and the beautiful autumnal colors caressing the leaves as they get ready to make their transition early in the morning make me feel alive and rejuvenated (insert bird chirping sound effect here). It's also a great month because it's usually when I have 4 day weekends because of all the Jewish holidays at work. I try to catch up with my whatever it is I was doing that I never got to finish, like a good book, house cleaning, rest, doctor's appointments and exercise.

So I went back to my Zumba classes that I take with my dear sister and I don't know what it is but something is seriously wrong and at this point I think it's with me. Normally I think it's with everybody else but I'm all out of ideas. I kind of led onto how my sister and I talk about things in My Life...It's Killing Me! so you guys know that it's always a touchy and tense "conversation" when ever we meet up and usually very, very short.

When I say I'm out of ideas I mean I have no idea what the fuck to do in order not to punch her in the nose and send her flying across the room. I revert to the only thing I do know how to do because I've done it all my fucking life- just shut down, become quiet and get the hell out of wherever I am with her. Needless to say I did not enjoy the class the way I normally do and I only went through the motions and curtailed it outta there. So much for controlling toxic relationships.

Something else that I haven't been practicing or doing as well as I would like is speaking up when someone insults me or offends me. I've had that happened 2x already at work in the past 2 weeks by the same asshole who isn't an asshole, normally; and the first time I said nothing and today I said something but It was enough. It fell on deaf ears and it stayed with me the rest of the day- so now I don't like him and I will avoid him like the plague. Isn't that a great idea? I think so!

Well let me tell you what happened so you guys can help me. He buys lunch EVERY single day and it's always something new and doesn't mind letting people try whatever it is he's eating- more like he pushes you to try it. Pushes and pushes until you say yes and give in. He's like a crack dealer- well I've tried his sandwiches a few times and now he thinks we are best buddies or something because he talks to me like we've known each other forever. Today, we are in a group of all women, he comes over and shoves his sandwich in my face. I turn my face, literally, that's how close it was, and say no thanks.
So what does this usually very nice person say??? What is the venom that spews from his fucking lips?????

 ME: No thanks :)
ASS: No? you? turn down food?? miracle!
ME: What the fuck is that supposed to mean??

no response...silence...regular conversation among other women resumes.
Me: boiling inside.

I wish I would have something more- and perhaps the comments wouldn't have really bothered anyone but it hit a raw nerve with me because....because I always know comments like that are directed at my weight, they always have- MY ENTIRE LIFE  I've been hearing shit like that.
So I was more pissed that I didn't say more or kick him in his balls.

What do you guys think I should have done? should I stick to my plan of avoiding him like the plague??? And what do I do about my sister???

"Meditation, It's Better Than Sitting Around Doing Nothing"

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