I've been trying to enjoy some well deserved R&R lately. It seems that the days go by so quickly right after my birthday passes and then the year is over without a formal vacation AND frustration builds.
Mostly I believe it's FEAR!!! that holds me back- the most primal of emotions. In this case it's the fear of spending money I may need for a rainy day. This rainy day, however, has yet to reveal itself.
I've been analyzing everything lately, specifically my life. I guess it's the "turning 40" that's the driving force for my INTROSPECTION. I've come to the realization that the biggest motivating factor in my life has been F-E-A-R!!! I have done things out of fear and I have definitely NOT done things because of it.
With this blog I wanted to practice an exercise in overcoming many of my fears especially since the brain's default setting is to be "Velcro" for negative thoughts and "Teflon" for positive ones according to Dr. Rick Hanson, Ph.D., author of Buddha's Brain.
So I made a promise that I would be BRUTALLY honest with myself and with my blog and I began this list for 2 reasons: 1. to acknowledge said fears. 2. to overcome said fears. In essence this list will be my way of rubbing my own belly and comforting my inner pet.(don't ask me ask Dr. Hanson.)
I WILL NOT BE AFRAID OF...1. starting my own blog
2. expressing my opinion
3. being alone
5. getting old
6. falling in love again
7. showing my upper arms (don't ask)
8. leaving my job
9. starting a new job
10. saying no
OK I will start with these for now- i know that there are thousands more but I can't think of them right now.
Acknowledging all these fears on my list will help me begin to get over them, I started this blog didn't I?
In order to begin to feel less fearful one has to have many sessions of positive repetitive behavior and I think that through meditation this can be achieved. Unfortunately, it takes about 5 good interactions to make up for 1 single bad one.
I'll just take baby steps...
Remember: Meditation...It's Better Than Sitting Around Doing Nothing.